My Own Religion!
I recently read L. Ron Hubbard’s “Dianetics.” For those of you don’t know, L. Ron Hubbard is the quack that invented Scientology that Tom Cruise and other Hollywoodists follow. You have to read the book if you have not. I highly recommend it. Read it. Read it again. L. Ron Hubbard believed that you will come back as some other “form” in your afterlife. Hence, I name every pet that I have ever had “L. Ron Hubbard.” My goldfish of 22 years, that I won at the Augusta Exchange Club Fair, died recently and I went straight out and won another one. I named it L. Ron Hubbard because….it could be.
But while reading L. Ron Hubbard’s book and people actually believing this shit…add the David Koresh deal..add the whole Jim Jones thingie…add this new Hispanic Anti-Christ(google it), who has raised millions of dollars, and I have to start thinking…would it be beneficial to start my own religion.
So…here is Zehtanism.. You will be my Zehtanic cult. Here is my bullshit for you to follow.
Our God is BRACCUS. ADMIRAL BRACCUS. It sounds tough..but…I think his look will make you feel comfortable… He looks much like this guy..but wears all black and is a little more red.
1-Admiral Braccus images cannot be in any mobile home. If you live in a mobile home, you can worship Admiral Braccus, but not display him.
2-Albinos are not allowed to worship Admiral Braccus. Admiral Braccus put albinos on Earth to punish them. Earth is hell for albinos. Both by being mocked and burnt!
3-You must eat out 4 days a week. Cooking food on all three Sabath Day’s are BAD. VERY BAD.
4-The Sabath Days are Tuesday, Wednesday, and Saturday.
5-Pubic hair is to be trimmed and offered to Admiral Braccus. Admiral Braccus lives in the sewer(where you will go if you truly believe #6)..so flushing your pubic hair(should look like a perm hair dew) when it’s flushed.
6-Admiral Braccus died for your sins when he got pancreatic cancer and died.
7-Pancreatic images are holy.
8-Admiral Braccus prefers hiaku’s to hymns.