Actress Gabourey Sidibe is depressed after making a BIG FAT IMPACT as “Precious.” The actress said no one really cares about the show about the lady with cancer and no movie roles have called for someone who weighs enough to be considered a heart attack risk. Insiders say even A list actors like Morgan Freeman, Samuel L. Jackson, Denzell Washington, and Brad Pitt refuse to work with Gabourey because “she fucking stinks like a fat mothefucker does” Samuel Jakcson said. Gabourey is rumored to be using food to cope with her depression which should soon give TLC a new “Half Ton” show to be called “Half Ton Celebrity.”
The Undertaker has been quite a busy man. Not only wrestling, but single handedly taking care of all the funeral arrangements of dead wrestlers. Owen Hart, Eddie Guerrero, Chris Benoit and family, Mr. Perfect, Brian Pillman, Earthquake, and all the other dead wrestlers but nothing could have been more special than what he put together for the Macho Man. Funeral arrangements included Slim Jims for everyone in attendance as well as replica belts for all the nerds(fans) attending as well.
Remember that Muslims fear the pig. That’s why I am declaring Heavenly Ham the safest place in America to celebrate Osama Bin Laden’s death. Osama Bin Laden, who is being ass raped by 99 male virgins in Hell, was the leader of the world’s largest terrorist network. Men and Women fear his death will cause a retaliation by the terrorist organization although I am going to go on record and say that these dune coons will never catch us off guard again thus there is not reason other to celebrate this great death by enjoying Ham, keeping some of it in your wallet in case a Muslim comes around to throw on them, and of course…..Natural Light and 4 Locos. Join us tonight at Heavenly Ham for the biggest celebration of Osama’s great death.