The Official Home of Jordan Zeh

Posts tagged “jfz

Gabourey Sidibe Depressed

Actress Gabourey Sidibe is depressed after making a BIG FAT IMPACT as “Precious.” The actress said no one really cares about the show about the lady with cancer and no movie roles have called for someone who weighs enough to be considered a heart attack risk. Insiders say even A list actors like Morgan Freeman, Samuel L. Jackson, Denzell Washington, and Brad Pitt refuse to work with Gabourey because “she fucking stinks like a fat mothefucker does” Samuel Jakcson said. Gabourey is rumored to be using food to cope with her depression which should soon give TLC a new “Half Ton” show to be called “Half Ton Celebrity.”

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Call To Cemetery (Handle Your Buzzard Problem) Buzzard Killers *Audio


“How To Talk A Girl Into An Abortion For Dummies” by Jordan Zeh

Jordan Zeh’s eleven abortions haven’t been in vein.  As a matter of fact, he is become today’s foremost on abortions and how to talk a girl into getting one.  Using sneaky, subtle techniques to bold “I’m never going to have anything to do with this child,”  the book is soon to be a nationwide best seller for responsible men that know they do not want to have a baby.  The book hits shelves in June 2012.


Leviatrex. The Drug.

I recently started taking Leviatrex, a prescription drug for heartburn. If you take LeviaTrex, be extremely careful! Many of the symptoms of Leviatrex began just a few days after taking the medication for heartburn because excessive drinking and smoking. Those symptoms were on the TV and radio ad and about three(3) of them showed up immediately. Symptoms include unindentifiable bloody semen in your stool, dead babies everywhere you go, horrible complexion, severe bags under you eyes, Aids, Chron’s, M.S., M.D, Cerebral Palsy, thoughts of violent homocide, excessive nut sweat, unwanted lots of hair on your ass, and boogers. See your doctor immediately if one or more of these symptoms occur.


This Is What I Did At Work Today

I remember getting up early this morning and saying to myself “Wow, I really want to photoshop a picture of the silly shark with the Soul Surfer Poster.  I knew it would be one of the things I could cross off my list today of “Things To Accomplish At Work.”  I am sorry it took sooooo long for me to get it up but I went for a long walk from about 930am to noon before I swam for a bit before taking part in my 4 hour workday and beginning a tough 20 hour workweek.  Please forgive me!, for I beat the everloving shit out of the system. 🙂  Now kiddos.  Go grab silly sharks off the web and crop them onto the Soul Surfer poster and win a weekly prize for the Best One.  All entries will appear on my site and 95rock.com! Go!!! Now, I must start #2 of “Things To Accomplish” at work.  Time to illegally download some music! 😉


OH CALCUTTA IS BACK!!! AUGUSTA MALL. AUDIO***

I REMEMBER BEING 7 YEARS OLD AND BEING MY FIRST SWORD AND NINJA STAR.  I WAS INSIDE THE REGENCY MALL IN AUGUSTA, GA.  MY GRANDPARENTS WOULD EVENTUALLY QUIT ALLOWING ME TO GO THE REGENCY MALL WITH THEM.  WHY? BECAUSE THEY WEREN’T GOING.  THE SNOW BIRDS HAD EVIDENTLY SCARED THEM TO THE AUGUSTA MALL BECAUSE I WOULD OVERHEAR THEM GOING “THAT  PLACE IS BECOME OVERRUN BY CANADIANS.”  THEY NEVER REALLY PAID MUCH ATTENTION TO MY BAGS I GUESS BECAUSE I WOULD OFTEN FILL THEM FULL OF UNIQUE TREASURES FROM “OH CALCUTTA.”  A MACHETE. 2 MACHETES. A SWORD. A LONGER SWORD.  27 NINJA STAR COLLECTION. ONE OF THE BEST IN NEIGHBORHOOD THAT EVEN RIVALED 5 YEAR OLD JIMMIE MATTINSON.  I AM SO PROUD TO SAVE ALL MY EARNINGS FORM RADIO OVER THE YEARS AND BRING OH CALCUTTA BACK TO AUGUSTA! HERE IS THE FIRST MARKETING COMMERCIAL.


THOUGHT THE MAXIM PARTY WAS SOMETHING??? GET READY. THE READER’S DIGEST PARTY INSIDE CATARACTS! AUDIO****

EVERYONE IS GETTING EXCITED ABOUT THE READER’S DIGEST PARTY UP INSIDE CATARACT’S NIGHTLIFE.